Declining Standards Of The Empire
Admiral Ozzel had just taking his Stardestroyer out of hyperspace just above the ice planet of Hoth. The mighty Empire have tracked the rebels down to this freezing outpost, and are preparing to deliver the killer blow to the upstarts. However, Ozzel has approached too close to the planet’s surface and set off the Rebel’s early warning system. The theatre shield has been activated, precluding any bombardment.
Lord Vader is on the blower wanting an update
“Admiral, why are the Rebels aware of our approach?”
“I thought surprise was the best option Lord Vader” replies Ozzel, confidently
Captain Piett shuffles nervously from foot to foot, examining the crease on his battleship grey uniform, hoping he won’t have to participate in this inquest.
“You are as clumsy as you are stupid”
“Captain Piett”
“Yes my Lord”
At this point Ozzel gasps for breath, asphyxiated and shortly executed on the spot
“You are in command now Admiral Piett”
For all his flaws, it has to be conceded that Vader ran a pretty tight ship on those Stardestroyers, admittedly aided by his carte blanche to execute presumably highly renumerated Admirals on the spot. The life insurance premiums must have racheted up pretty sharply following the 3rd death in service in as many weeks…now where was I?
Ah yes, the £200 freezeout at the Empire in Leicester Square took place tonight as the opening night of their week long festival. 5000 chips, and a 30 minute clock gave the tournament a reasonable structure, although the exclusion of the 150-300 blind level was senseless.
It has been a wretched tournament for me - I’ve raised pre-flop with AK and AQ and missed. I’ve also had to put QQ down on the river to a big bet on a King high board (the guy was on seven high bluff as well). That said, I’ve managed to get up to 5500 chips (with the aid of winning one all in battle where I was 45%) with 45 players remaining from 100. I am way below average, but I just need one big hand to get into contention. Then this happens:
The senior member of the cardroom staff is dealing my table to give the dealers a break. I am in the BB, posted 800 chips. UTG pushes for 3900 and someone in middle position pushes for 7000 in middle position. I look down at . This looks as good a spot as any, so I call the all in.
Flop is A, 5, 7 so it looks like happy days.
However, the 2 on the turn brings the spoils to the short stack. The river is a brick, but I still have the side pot right? Wrong. The senior dealer hasn’t created a side pot before dealing the flop. Given that one of the first lessons rookie dealers get is to deal with side pots in multiway all-ins, this is gross incompetence. I’m about to point this out when the table is immediately broken and the guy with AQ scarpers to his new table with his stack! This nonsense would never occur at the Loose Cannon or the Gutshot, and leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.
The bottom line is I am left with 1400 chips instead of 2800, but given that the blinds are now 400-800 I am pretty much dead anyhow, so I decide not to create a scene and call for the cameras, which would have been needed now all the chips were off the table. The time taken to resolve this would have harmed me as much as losing the extra chips in any case.
I sit down at my new table. My chip stack is less impressive than the contents of a steroid user’s codpiece, and I am UTG to boot.
I find AQ and push. The BB calls me blind of course, which he doesn’t do probably if I had 2800, given that he has Q3 off. Of course the 3 pops out and I am done for the night in about 42nd position. Sigh…if that AK holds up I am in a decent positon to attack the big prizes, and even if it doesn’t, if the BB folds to my 2800 bet I have another orbit to try and bounce back.
In the words of the Lord of the Sith:
“That Empire dealer…he is as clumsy as he is stupid” ;)