My Nightmare WSOP 6-Pack
Disclaimer: All comments in this article are of the blog writer’s sole opinion and it is left to the reader to form their own views on whether they are justified. ;)
I’ve played and watched a lot of poker over the last couple of years, and in my view I don’t think it’s controversial to state that there are a fair number of idiots in the game. I’m not talking of people who make poor calls, and suck out on you for all your chips. I’m referring to the self-important, the attention seekers, the ungracious and the critical - generally the sort of people who stop new players coming into the game.
Whilst there are certainly enough good eggs in the game who quietly go about their business, it will always be the actions of the few that grab the attention. Since WSOP is just around the corner, and I’ll get the chance to rub shoulders with the world poker pool in the near future, I thought I’d compose my nightmare table of 6 that I could be allocated:
Seat 1) Andreas Krause
With nearly a decade of impressive tournament results behind him, this guy is the real deal as far as poker skill is concerned. Unfortunately, from a behavioural aspect when rivering someone at WSOP 2007 he opted for a slightly over the top reaction (our German friend’s hand starts at 5:40 on this clip):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSCswxMcYDo
I was quite happily dozing on the couch watching the poker, when this nearly gave me a heart attack. Totally unnecessary, and enough to earn a berth on my nightmare table. My only other interaction with Krause was at the Irish Open - the German player was striding around the CityWest Hotel, wearing the tightest pair of red tracksuit bottoms I have every seen, prominent camel tail on display.
You have to feel sorry for the Germans sometimes. They were just thanking their stars that Michael Schumacher had retired, when this fellow pops up into the limelight.
Seat 2) Rain Khan
BULLDOZER! What more can I add to what has been said already? The guy acts like an 8 year old in the playground, rubbing any success he has in other players’ faces. One of those loud people that think they are funny, when in fact they are just tedious. If I end up on the same table as this guy at WSOP I hope to able to keep my temper in check for at least the first orbit.
Any number of examples available on youtube - I have opted for a montage, for maximum irritant factor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh49fHFMUTg
Seat 3) Beth Shak + Husband
Hugely annoying wife/husband combination. Classic hand from WSOP 2007 - early position raises, Shak pushes and is insta-called by Hellmuth. The early raiser has pocket Kings and while he is pondering this tricky decision for his tournament life, Shak basically puts her cards on her forehead by performing some kind of erotic dance, purring “I got it”. Meanwhile, Hubby in the crowd is saying, right in the initial raiser’s vision, “I think she has it” whilst making two large tippee signs with his hand. Despite the wealth of information at his disposal the initial raiser panics, calls and faces 2 lots of pocket rockets as Hellmuth also has the nuts. Shak’s display is not over however, as when she has to expose her cards she puts them on top of her head before virtually rubbing them on herself, then noticing that Hellmuth has the same hand and she is pretty unlikely to scoop.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_idnY8czeQ
The second incident with this combo, occurred when Shak was bust out of WSOPE by Annette Obrestad. The husband, in the background as usual, amusingly finds it necessary to come forward and say in a very loud voice “she sucks”. Classy people.
Seat 4) Josh Arieh
Multiple irritant offender during WSOP 2004. Arrogant, loud and performs no self evaluation whatsoever. He called David Williams “a joke” after he attempted a re-steal with pocket 5s at the final table against Arieh’s Big Slick and they hold up, before swapping sides on elimination and telling Williams to bust out “clueless” Raymer.
The worst offence occurs during a hand with Harry Demetriou with 19 players remaining. Arieh has been aggressive all tournament, and fires out on a flop where he has multiple draws. Demetriou, correctly pushes back at him and goes allin with top pair. Arieh instacalls (with the worst hand), before berating Demitriou’s play. Arieh’s hand hits the draws to keep him in the tournament and he then embarks on the worst piece of sportsmanship you are likely to see. (link below - you’ll need to copy and paste this one - it’s the first hand).
http://www.pokertube.com/Movies.aspx?movie=1101&title=WSOP_-_2004_Main_ Event_Ep8_5_5&player=1&page=1&FreeText=wsop%20-%202004%20main&list=9 Seat 5) Jimbo
Upstanding member of the poker community - all round good egg ;)
Seat 6) ROLAQ
No annoying table would be complete without the obligatory ROLAQ - R andom O nline L oud A merican Q ualifer. These fellows pop up at each and every WSOP, EPT and WPT in an approximate ratio of one per table. I have played with many a fine and gentlemanly American player (take Sir Mike for instance), but unfortunately the Americans will never be painted in a great light because they provide such a large percentage of most poker fields, and statistically cannot help but provide the majority of the idiots.
The “ROLAQ” will generally have qualified for $200 or less by bumbling through any number of satellites to get here. He will be keen on getting as much TV time as possible by commenting on most hands, shouting loudly and cheering bad beats. If he doesn’t happen to be on the TV table - no problem. Plan B involves ROLAQ standing on his chair every time he is allin, and bellowing to see whichever card will extricate himself from whatever dominated position he has got himself into.
Hundreds of examples available online, but I’ve gone for Mr Vance at EPT Copenhagen. I should add that the Danes eventually could take no more, and Vance was crowned champion.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VCr0G_tGpU
So there’s the table I really hope not to encounter at WSOP. I guess we better do the nightmare hand as well:
We are all playing 20k in chips. Khan is babbling away to no-one in particular pre-flop, as he has been doing for the last 4 hours. Krause limps with K2, Khan folds and Shak raises to 1k with AA. Arieh decides to take control of the hand by raising to 4k with . I re-raise to 12k also holding AA. ROLAQ debates out loud for 5 minutes for the TV cameras, saying he is holding a monster and what a decision this is with 3 raises in front of him. He eventually makes a “big fold” and bins KJ. Krause calls, Shak calls, Arieh calls.
Flop 4, 5, K giving Arieh one of his dodgy inside straight draws. ROLAQ howls with anguish, loudly proclaiming “he would have had it”. Shak is now dancing on the spot mouthing the words “I got it” to hubby in the crowd, so I suspect I can only split this. I push, Krause calls with top pair as does Shak with the other rockets. Arieh calls with his draw and once the cards are on the back, berates me loudly for my play, saying “you wanna gamble?…we can gamble…”. Turn is a 3 and the river is a 6 giving Krause an unlikely straight and he releases a huge Bavarian bellow of triumph and gets to play 3 handed with ROLAQ and Khan. Khan now guaranteed 200k - “BULLDOZER!” ;)